Grief

Grief can be defined as a normal adaptive response to a loss that may manifest in a series of intense physical and psychological responses. Grief is a normal part of living, and we will all experience grief at some point in our lives. Have you ever heard ‘aren’t you over that yet? You need to move on’? What we are learning now is that we will not get over losses, but we need to learn to live with them in a healthy way. The best way is to lean into the loss and not avoid or ignore what is happening to you, hoping it will go away. If we ignore it, it may manifest in physical illness or psychological distress such as anxiety or depression. 

Types of losses

We may lose someone in our lives through death. Dr. Mary-Francis O’Connor studies what happens in our brain when a loss is due to death of someone close to us. Her studies with brain scans have shown that when we love someone, there is an encoding of that person in our brain. The brain uses powerful neuro chemicals to teach us to stay with our loved ones – dopamine, opioids, oxytocin, which occur in specific brain regions – nucleus accumbens – where attachment happens. When someone dies, that same part of the brain has to process the loss. O’Connor says grieving is a form of learning – learning that the attachment figure is not coming back, learning what it means for our life, for who we are now, and how do we operate in the world without this person? If we had a difficult relationship with that person, grief can be even more challenging.

We also experience non-death losses, such as job loss, loss of home when we move, loss of physical functioning due to injury or natural aging, or loss of identity, freedom and autonomy. Some people experience loss of hopes and dreams for the future, and others experience a loss of personal meaning when a significant loss has occurred. It is important to acknowledge these other losses and give ourselves compassion and kindness.

What’s normal in grief

People respond to grief in various and sometimes contradictory ways. Some people have difficulty sleeping while others sleep too much or have dreams and nightmares that interrupt restful sleep. We may overeat or forget to eat. Physically, we may be exhausted, have headaches or other physical symptoms, phantom pain, and experience clumsiness in our movement. Emotionally we could have mood swings and experience a whole range of emotions from irritability to confusion, anxiety, frustration and guilt. People share that they sometimes want to be left alone, but other times need other people nearby. Numbness, confusion and distractibility are normal in grief. 

Naturopathic support

NDs understand that grief affects the whole person and will work with each patient to develop an individualized treatment plan that is achievable. This plan may include practical suggestions for movement, eating well and reducing stress. Botanical and homeopathic prescriptions can address many of the common manifestations of grief, as mentioned above. Acupuncture can also offer relief from grief, stress, insomnia and physical pain.

Nurse practitioner support: Our NP Christy Tashjian works collaboratively with our NDs and psychotherapist to offer integrative healthcare to anyone dealing with grief.  Christy can prescribe and help adjust doses of pharmaceutical medications that may be helpful. 

Counselling support

Not everyone needs counseling to work through grief. However, if it is causing you distress or you are having difficulty coping with daily life, it can be helpful to talk to a psychotherapist. Here at the clinic, Marlene employs a number of approaches that could be helpful in working through your grief. You would learn about what is normal in grief and what to expect as you navigate this significant change in your life. You will learn tools to help you to cope, including self-compassion, mindfulness and journaling. Sometimes, you just need to tell the story of the loss to an empathetic and compassionate person, and explore meaning in your life in the wake of a significant loss. Your therapist may also help you to explore creative ways to memorialize the loss, which can be healing.

Community resources

Hospice Northwest offers individual and group grief support grief groups for people to connect with others, share their grief journey, and give and experience support. 

https://www.hospicenorthwest.ca/services/grief-support-program/

As well, St. Patrick’s Cathedral offers a spiritual, non-denominational grief support group to assist those who have lost someone to death. The six-week program is offered in the fall and the winter. Facilitators are professionally trained, and Marlene is one of the facilitators. For more information, call the parish office at 807-622-5389.